Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
