There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
