By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
