She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
