Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
should my penis look like a turkey
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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