So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
