just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
