You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
