my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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