Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
