Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
