I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
