I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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