I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
