Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i will never coherently bang her
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
