Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize