i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
