I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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