they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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