Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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