What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
