I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
