The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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