After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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