The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
