The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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