I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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