You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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