I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
And then he peed in my hair
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
