Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
