if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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