Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
