If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
