I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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