yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
