My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
