Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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