I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize