Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
