Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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