Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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