Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
