Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
