Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
