I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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