Fine. I'll sleep in my office
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
