im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
