Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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