I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
