Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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