I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
