NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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