So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
