And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
