obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
