So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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