i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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