I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
