Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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