yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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