Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
