Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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