I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
