STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it's like iHOP with fire
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
