I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize