you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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