it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Still dying that you shit outside
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
