I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
