pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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