I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
