Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
