She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
