If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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