wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
