My room smells like vodka and shame
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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