there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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