Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
