Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
