We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
