The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize