i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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