drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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