we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
