she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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