Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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