So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
