he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
