The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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