There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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