I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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