Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
