Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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