so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
