He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
