i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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