Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
