i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
