I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
