You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
