I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
