THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
