im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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